Communication is an essential skill for all and is the key to sharing good relations with family and friends. It helps us express, our emotions, how we feel about situations and others.

Having said that, children learn to talk by listening. As we grow, listening becomes more important not just in conversations but more in understanding others, their side of the story and improve clarity.

As humans, we functionally hear using our ears, but we have the capability of listening with all are senses – That is when we truly practice Active Listening.

I recently invited my nephew and niece over lunch. They are of age 12, 15 years respectively. I told them to get a pen and paper and narrated them a picture and asked them to draw it. After they had drawn it, we discussed how close was their picture to the original one – based on what I shared as instructions.

Then, I reversed the role and asked them to narrate a picture the picture to me while I drew. After my drawing, we discussed how close my drawing was to their explanation.

We did some beautiful reflection using the following questions:

While Listening and Drawing

• What has been your experience while you were listening and drawing the picture?
• While you were listening and drawing, what about the conversation did you like?
• While you were listening and drawing, what about the conversation would you like to improve?

While explaining the picture:

• What has been your experience while you were explaining the picture?
• What behaviour of the participants did you like while they were listening and drawing?
• What behaviour of the participants did you find challenging while they were listening and drawing?

We tabulated our discussion in a table as below, citing behaviours which helped or limited us in both the situations:

What we really did was explore and identify the Dos and Don’ts of Active Listening.

To take our lovely discussion ahead and help them explore this skill more. I read to them the following:

Active listening is a way of listening…

• Where we focus all our energies into registering what the other person is saying.
• and responding to another person that improves mutual understanding.
• that close loop with appropriate responses.

Active Listening requires three A’s: Attitude, Attention, and Adjustment.

Attitude:

• Focus on what is being said. Don’t listen to answer, but listen to understand.
• Don’t interrupt – Wait for your turn. It is important to respect the other person’s point of view.

Attention:

• Make Eye Contact. Not making one shows lack of interest / discomfort.
• Give nonverbal signals – Nodding, Posture, etc. This makes the speaker feel comfortable and at ease.
• Verbal Signals – Verbal Nods – Yes, Hmm etc. This assures the speaker that you are listening.
• Repeat back what you heard, not all of it. But paraphrase. This helps the speaker to be sure that you have heard correctly.

Adjustment:

• Ask questions to understand better. You may choose to ask open questions or leading questions depending upon your need.
• Confirm your understanding. This is the most important step.

I wanted a final experience to help my niece and nephew apply the new learnings, so I used this final case study:

Case study:

A close friend has recently shifted to another city, which indeed is a major change for him – new school, new people, unknown place, new society etc.

He is finding it difficult to deal with so many changes.

He connects with you on a video call.

In the conversation:

• What all would you do to listen actively?
• What will you do or say to help him get comfortable with this change in his life?

Share your responses in the comment below

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