What is a conflict?

A conflict is a struggle between people which may be physical, or between different/opposite ideas or views

It simply means Disagreement, Difference of opinion, or views

Conflicts can either be within one person, or they can involve several people or groups.

Conflicts can usually lead to unpleasant experiences and generate undesirable responses if not handles appropriately. Some of what happens in a conflict could be – Arguments, Expression of extreme emotions verbally and at times physically, Strained relationships, People involved trying to prove their stand as the correct one, lack of compromise and common ground, and of course matters/issues seem to look bigger than they are.

Conflicts can actually generate healthy responses and a whole new world of ideas and collaboration if handled calmly and effectively.

Why do people get into a conflict? When do conflicts happen? There are so many reasons for conflicts to occur – Failure in communicating your side, Misunderstandings, different perspectives when you feel your needs are being challenged or not met, personal bias, past experience, intolerance, ignorance of other’s needs, and many more.

Understanding and stating the reason and your stand in a conflict is important as it helps resolve differences and enables solution-finding.

Do you want to teach your children about conflict management experientially?

If yes, then you will have to create a conflict. Isn’t it? We created a conflict situation in our holistic education sessions with students virtually. We gave them a case study which resulted in multiple answers.

As the case study was basically a mathematics problem and should have just one answer, we invited students to discuss and convince the other students to their answers. We put them in break-out rooms and observed their behavior in these conflicting situations.

And then taught them the steps to deal with a conflicting situation.

Following is the case study, we shared with students. You may use it with your family and with friends.

Bholu and Golu are friends. They both are businessmen. They have their shops nearby.

Bholu has a stationary shop. He has 2 notes of Rs. 500 in his cash box.

And Golu had a Grocery shop. He has 8 notes of Rs. 100 & 4 notes of Rs. 50 in his cash box.

One day, a lady comes to buy some stationery from Bholu.

She buys stationery worth Rs. 250 and gives Bholu 500 Rs. note.

Bholu doesn’t have a change, so he goes to Golu’s shop.

Bholu gives Golu the same 500 Rs. note and takes change from Golu.

Bholu comes back and gives the lady Rs. 250 and the stationary.

A few minutes later, Golu comes to Bholu’s shop and tells him that the Rs. 500 note which he gave him was fake. Golu tears the fake note and gives it to Bholu and demands his money back. Bholu gives a Rs. 500 notes from his pocket. Golu goes away.

Bholu is sad and is wondering how much loss has he actually made since morning….

Ways To Handle Conflicts

Did you find you and your friends/ family members with different answers? How did you deal with it?

Do you want to learn a few steps to deal with conflict in an effective way? Keep reading.

As each conflict is different, it’s important to equip yourself with different ways of handling conflicts.

Let’s have a quick look at 4 steps to handle conflicts, each step giving you some simple, interesting, and effective ways to implement:

1. CALM DOWN

Our state of mind in a conflict decides are responses; A hot head usually would say and do things which we may regret after the conflict. Calmer we are, clearer and better are our responses. A calm mind will help you think and act better. Use any or all of the following to stay calm and give everyone a chance to take a breather from each other:

1. Count from 1 to 10 and take deep breaths
2. Walk away or move your attention to another activity

2. STATE AND UNDERSTAND THE PROBLEM

Once you have calmed down, use any of the following ways to express yourself and understand the other side as well:

1. Use an I message – Express yourself well by stating your feeling and reason behind it – Example: “I felt left out and hurt because you didn’t let me play card games, so I shouted at you.”
2. Share and take turns to express
3. Use kind words and a Friendly voice

3. APOLOGISE WELL

A good Apology will communicate 3 things – Regret, Responsibility and Remedy. Say SORRY genuinely for what was unpleasant, share how you will fix the situation and commit to behave better next time

4. PROMOTE SOLUTION FINDING

A conflict is resolved when you and the other side is able to come to a common ground. It works the best when it’s done together using any of the following:

1. Discuss various solutions
2. Talk to a grown Up

Use the above steps and do let us know, your feedback of your experience in handling conflict. And also inform how much loss did Bholu make?

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